Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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