Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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