Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
