I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize