Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
