My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
