WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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