she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
