New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
