There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found your dick twin last night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
