Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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