she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
