I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
