...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
