so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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