her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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