Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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