Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
