Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
