I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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