Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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