You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
