Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize