I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
