Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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