She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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