my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize