Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
