A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
