i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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