Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
