Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
