man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize