you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize