he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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