just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
