Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
