so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
