This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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