would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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