Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize