My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
