this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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