They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
