Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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