physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
