Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
