She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
