so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
