I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
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This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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