READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
