I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
