Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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