So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Randomize
