I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
