I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
