she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How does one acquire holy water?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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