just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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