what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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