i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
