I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
